i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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