How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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