**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
3pm strippers are depressing
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
