We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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