I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
