Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
