You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
