My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
