i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
