i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
