fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
