He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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