My Higher Power is John Stamos
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
