Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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