wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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