trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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