And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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