goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
