i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
