how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
