he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
