party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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