Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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