I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Say something about gay babies.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
