He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
