Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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