They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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