And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
