OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
