sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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