I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
