That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
