Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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