were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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