Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
