Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
