I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
