you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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