forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
