you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
