Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
