My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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