dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
