you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
