it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
