please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
