Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
