I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
