It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
