My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
