he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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