Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
