I got her a Nickelback box set.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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