We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
