Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
