Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
