i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
