Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
