There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My butt remains clenched, sir.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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