we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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